When so much is completely out of our control as is during the motherhood journey, we can turn to preparation as one element that is more or less within our control.
After all, most of the time within this community, we get to choose how we’d like to prepare and with whom. This, I recognize, is a privilege and luxury not afforded to all birthing people.
For some of us, preparation ironically looks like avoiding preparation (I’ve seen this firsthand) and for others, it looks like exhausting every avenue possible (this, I’ve also seen).
Perhaps not surprisingly, I leaned heavily toward the leave-no-rock-unturned style of preparation in both pregnancies, though it took different forms of preparation each time.
During my pregnancy with Will, preparation looked like connecting deeply to him through letter writing, music and book reading. It looked like a stack of at least eight pregnancy books on every surface throughout our tiny home.
Preparation looked like plenty of day-dreaming, naps and Netflix.
It looked like childbirth education classes and arranging for cloth diaper services.
Preparation looked like muddling my way through exercise, always wondering if what I was doing was safe.
It looked like meetings with our doula, writing a birth plan and taking weekly (maybe daily) photos of my growing belly.
Preparation looked like lots and lots of calls to the OB nursing staff for reassurance and dozens of questions at each visit with my provider.
It was a busy, exciting, naive time, full of equal parts wonder and fear, elation and anxiety.
Five years later, preparation for Johnny’s arrival shared some similarities, but this time, it came with both personal and professional experience in the field to guide me and my decision making.
This time, preparation looked like having confidence in my exercise programming through the use of my very own curriculum.
It looked like accessing services from the amazing providers I had come to know and love through the creation of Bodies for Birth. This meant regular acupuncture, mental health therapy in preparation for postpartum, women’s health physical therapy and chiropractic visits.
Preparation looked like creating a postpartum wellness plan that my husband and I could use during the early sleep deprived weeks and months. It looked like anticipating the potential for postpartum anxiety, the baby blues and intrusive thoughts.
It looked like considering the kind of help we would need and determining who we could call upon when we needed it.
This time, preparation was grounded in the experiences of five years of parenting, with less naivety, but still, just as much joy and anticipation.
It once again looked like lots and lots of reading, letter writing and music. And this time, Will joined us as we sang to my belly each night at bedtime.
For Will, preparation looked like talking to “Thunderbolt,” like drawing pictures for him and taking a “sibling class.”
Preparation looked like creating an intimate birth plan as a family and playlists we never used. Will, who wanted to be my doula 😂, was by my side throughout most of labor.
Preparation took these forms and so very many more throughout the each journey to delivery. Each pregnancy required different forms, incorporating a “know better, do better” type of approach.
In practice, I witness the preparartion within our community as we prepare our homes, our nurseries, our bank accounts, our professional lives to accommodate for the growth and expansion.
We prepare our minds and bodies, our relationships.
We prepare our children, our spouses, ourselves—sometimes unable to imagine that our full hearts could expand any further—and fearful of what that expansion might feel like and might mean. After all, how can we prepare for that? Try as we might, we recognize that we can’t prepare for everything.
Still, I deeply believe that preparation is the antidote to fear. I learned this firsthand, as a nursing student (a nursing student who was so overwhelmed with empathy and the sensory experiences within the hospital, that I fainted at a patient’s bedside during my first clinical shift). 🫣
I was ready to quit on the spot. Clearly I was not meant to be a nurse.
My clinical instructor was perfectly clear. Quitting was not an option. I had one job and one job only. To figure out how to stay standing. And, I did.
I visualized and affirmed, I journaled, meditated and reflected. I practiced lots of deep breathing.
I learned to use calf raises when I was feeling woozy.
I learned to sit with patients at their bedsides and to be fully present with them while simultaneously bringing my nervous system into a state of calm so I could care for them in the ways they needed. I prepared. I prepared. I prepared.
That preparation diluted my fear, though it didn’t dissolve it entirely.
The anticipation never went away completely.
The butterflies in my stomach greeted me each and every morning I walked through the double doors to UWMC, but I made friends with these familiar feelings and knew how to care for myself despite the discomfort.
Caring for ourselves despite discomfort is a radical form of self-compassion that takes courage, vulnerability and a willingness to trust ourselves. It takes practice and it takes preparation.
As a pregnant person, the anticipation of the unknown is tremendous. The amount of milestones are many, but preparation is the soothing balm that allows you to surrender.
At Bodies for Birth, it is my hope that you feel deeply prepared, supported and nourished so that you may find confidence in your surrender.
I feel so grateful to be a part of your preparation, to stand proudly alongside each one of you as you prepare in your own way. As always, thank you for the privilege.