“One thing about having a baby is that each step of the way you simply cannot imagine loving him any more than you already do, because you are bursting with love, loving as much as you are humanly capable of- and then you do, you love him even more.”
― Anne Lamott, Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son’s First Year
My nickname at home is “The Love Robot” which may or may not come as much of a surprise to you all. 😂
To Love is surely what I’m here on this earth to do and one of the ways I show love is through writing–leaving notes on pillows, notes inside books, notes on bathroom mirrors, on blank calendar pages, notes in lunchboxes, notes in quiet, unsuspecting pockets and of course, love notes to you all in the form of this weekly newsletter.
About 10 days ago (but who’s counting?!) one of the ways I’ve historically shown love for my older son, Will, came to a surprising end. On a routine morning before school, Will said, “You know, Mom. I think I’ve decided that I’m done with notes in my lunch.”
For any of you lunch-packing-note-writing-moms out there, you can imagine…
I was caught off guard. I suppose I assumed I’d still be packing his lunch with notes and kisses tucked inside until, oh, I don’t know…maybe forever?
It just didn’t feel like one of those milestones I had prepared myself for the way I had with so many others. The news landed with intensity, and as it did, that familiar tingling sensation of imminent tears began in my nose. I rubbed my eyes, I swallowed hard. I took a deep breath and then, the bittersweet streams of love made their way down my cheeks.
My sensitive boy wrapped his arms around me, “Mom, you can still write me a note today!”
I smiled and soaked up all of his cuddles, replying “Willie. You’re doing exactly what you need to do. Thank you for letting me write your notes for all these years. I have loved writing each and every one; this is just hard for Mommy.”
And to me, this is Parenthood. It’s the holding on and clinging so tightly. It’s loving with every fiber of my being, and at the same time, surrendering and letting go. It’s observing and watching and launching and aching. And then, doing it all over again.
It’s the not knowing when each “thing” will have it’s last time…and, they all do.
They all do.
– – – – – – – – – – – –
The first time I packed his lunch without putting a note inside, the tears fell again and this time, my throat stung, my chest ached. And, I knew, that I was moving through.
Once I had wiped my tears and packed his lunch, I found my strength and my sense of humor.
I went about writing a note that I left on his backpack with a PS that read, “You didn’t say anything about leaving notes in random places!” (We all know I’ll never actually stop writing him notes! )
When Will found it, he looked at me and said, “You know, Mom. This is hard for me too.” We talked about how just because you’re ready for something doesn’t mean it’s easy. And, about how it’s courageous to to step into these moments despite the discomfort.
Once again, I found one of my children teaching me exactly the lesson I need in the moment.
Bodies for Birth® creates the community you need in Parenthood; the village of support you need to ride these waves of intensity and the courage to stay the course as you do.
But, you need more than just the village of support to be uplifted in Parenthood.
Through intentional program design in pregnancy, I aim to provide life training and sustaining skills to help you thrive.
The meditations and visualizations, the breathing and mindfulness work.
The physical and mental strength gained through training, the commitment you make to yourself and health through it all.
These skills stay with you.
And, I hope that our shared stories do as well.
To leaning in and letting go.
Something to Learn:
What Is Evidence-Based Parenting? & 12 Resources To Start With
Something to Share:
PEPS Programs: Connecting Parents, Families and Communities