I had initially entitled this article “Why Parenting is the Ultimate…Mind-F#@!” but it felt too harsh. It felt angry and maybe even a little sad.
I’m neither of those things, but I am changed from and changing through parenthood. And, this article is an attempt to capture the always present dichotomies of life as a parent, which in the happiest way, can feel like a “Mind-F#@!” sometimes.
Or at least it does for me.
As a parent, you suddenly live in a world where (strong) contradictory emotions not only exist, but often occur at the very same time.
And it starts from the first moment you lay eyes on your little one. Maybe even from the sight of that positive pregnancy test.
Remember?
Exquisite joy and terror all at once!
Upon holding that tender newborn, absolutely excruciating happiness and vulnerability…
Tsunami waves of love battering your racing heart as you simultaneously imagine all the amazing and terrifying things that could be ahead in this tiny one’s life.
And that’s when you realize, there is no going back.
This is unchartered territory and a completely new kind of love. It’s hurts like heartbreak and sings like falling in love all at once.
And gradually, you begin to lean into this new way of loving and living until you can’t even remember what life was like prior to being a parent. And frankly, you don’t want to.
It’s invigorating, expansive and of course, exhausting!
Did I mention confusing?!
Because seriously, I’m certain that just when you think you have things figured out, the universe conspires with your little one to make sure you keep creative!
Creative, flexible, patient…all works in progress.
Because in this new life, one as a parent, there’s often no black and white―try as you might.
No clearly defined boundaries, expectations or timeline.
As to-do lists and schedules become a thing of the past, you find a new flexibility you never believed possible―it’s truly yoga for the soul.
There are of course thoughts and plans, but along with those thoughts and plans, come back-up plans b, c, d, e and f-it!
“Back Up Plan F-It” has become a personal favorite of mine.
Now, let me be clear.
This doesn’t mean giving up, quite to the contrary in fact.
It means strategizing and reevaluating with the new information presented each day or hour, as the case may be.
Sometimes this means forgoing errands and to-dos in favor of playing because you’re just having that much fun!
So much fun, so much exhaustion, so much joy, so much unknown, so much fear, so much of so much.
Parenting is just so much. It leaves us completely full and depleted all at once.
Completely in love with this new life, yet sometimes grieving what was. And that is okay.
It’s okay to hold space for these conflicting emotions, despite the knee-jerk guilt that creeps in to tell us otherwise.
It’s okay to look down at stretch-marks lovingly while your little one rests on your softened belly…and to curse that same softened belly just hours later as you try to button jeans that no longer fit.
It’s all okay as unstable as you may feel with these always evolving emotions.
Like yoga, parenting is practice.
A practice in mindfulness, in flexibility, in stretching along with your boundaries not against them.
It’s about bumping up against postures and circumstances that create a state of discomfort, but staying there anyway, because you know…this is where the growth happens.
When you come back to this posture again, you can go deeper, you will be stronger relying on this depth of experience.
And, so, give yourself permission to fumble and to get comfortable with not knowing.
To snuggle up with this amazingly transformative space that is parenting and to toast to it with a cup of apple juice.
In an effort to be completely transparent, thank you.
I figured a whole lot out by writing this post for my readers. Thank you for allowing this space to work through my own struggles and to recognize that I seriously need to get back to yoga.
