Motherhood and Self-Care Are Not Mutually Exclusive

I’ve been thinking a lot about self-care and what that means as I prepare for an upcoming presentation for a group of mothers. Motherhood and self-care can feel mutually exclusive at times, so I’ve been digging deep into this topic.

I looked at a whole bunch of definitions of self-care and none of them really worked for me; none of them truly embodied my perspective on self-care. So I’ve defined it for my use, for our use if it resonates with you.

Self–Care: that unique set of actions performed by an individual in a manner that serves, fuels and enriches one’s life leading to greater happiness, function, mindfulness and health. This is a unique set of actions both big and small, done on a regular or semi-regular basis that nourish the individual and in effect, those the individual loves. Equally important, it one’s internal dialogue that fosters forgiveness, gratitude and acceptance. Self-care is constantly in a state of flux and therefore, should be expected to change over time as dictated by the individual’s unique needs.

With evolution in mind, this is a working definition of Self-Care and I expect that it too, will change. Because, why shouldn’t it?!

So, what does this look like? One day, maybe self-care means taking a shower or bath. On another day, maybe it’s taking a walk or getting to the gym. On some days, it may be all of these things and more.

We don’t need to “cap off” our limit of self-care; life should be absolutely full of self-care. I will say that again. We don’t need to “cap off” our limit of self-care; life should be absolutely full of self-care.

By my definition, self-care is constantly changing.

It’s vital to give yourself permission to evolve these acts as needed or desired. They may literally change with the seasons or change with the seasons of life. The food that nourished you in the summer may not be what you need and crave in the fall. The exercise, the daily essential acts of self-love may change from summer to fall and of course, with the seasons of motherhood.

Self-care acts are likely quite different when you’ve returned to work, if you’re struggling to conceive or suffering loss, when you’re at home with little ones, or after baby #2…on and on.

It may change with much greater frequency and in fact, I believe it should.

When training clients, I can often be heard saying, “Work with the body you have today.” Now, what if we took that and applied it to all facets of life—pregnancy, postpartum and everything in between?

Work with the body, the mind, the challenges and joys you have today and decide what you need to feel your best.

Having had the privilege now to work with hundreds of women during this transformational journey from woman to woman and mother, I have been given a window into our evolution.

Sometimes, we find ourselves trying to make old habits and routines FIT into this new life. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this, but sometimes, we try really, really hard and it can feel futile in the throws of life with little ones.

I’m beginning to recognize and respect just HOW different we are and how different the currents of life are in parenthood.

With this in mind, it’s my belief that we should NOT expect the things that worked before (prior to pregnancy and childbirth, prior to life with baby(-ies), when we were in college, single, when we were/weren’t working etc etc…) to continue working in the same way.

We are different. Bodies are different. Minds are different. Perspective, perception, priorities are different. Relationships, schedules, finances, hormones, commitments, body-image…it’s all different and it makes sense that we simply won’t fit the old mold…

This means that our acts of self-care are likely not what they were before. And they likely can’t be because most of us seem to feel short on time in a big way.

In fact, this time deficit can be the greatest barrier we feel prevents us from practicing self-care.

And where is our time going likely? Going to work, to caring for others—for our children, partners, parents perhaps. Rarely to our passion(s) or to ourselves. So often we neglect self-care to care for others.

BUT, here’s the thing. If we practice self-love, it will be it’s greatest reward. One of the most tremendous gifts of self-care is increased happiness and presence allowing for much greater capacity to share your love and joy with others.

Perhaps in the hustling pace of motherhood, we’ve become accustomed to living in what feels like a constant deficit of time? Maybe.

I challenge you to think of a few teeny, tiny changes you can make to your day that *might* add up to great rewards.

I challenge you to question the time deficit by carving out moments for yourself…start small.

The snowball effect of self-love is tremendous…especially as you feel your heart crack wide open at the seams with a greater capacity to give. With a greater ability to show compassion that does not discriminate.

So, what is your self-care prescription today?

It’s guarantee it’s unique, evolving and fully in your command.

I don’t expect yours to look like mine or that either of us will need the same things tomorrow that we need today, but I vow to check in with those needs and to do my best to honor them; I hope you will too.